7 Tips To Stop Dwelling On The Past And Move Forward
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Dwelling on painful things that happened years ago can extend the suffering and pain that was then, into the present moment.
In my opinion, there’s no reason to extend your own suffering. You have already suffered enough. Life is hard when painful things happen. Reliving them often reactivates that pain to no useful end.
It doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t make what happened any less hurtful. Your body and spirit just re-experience the event as though it was happening again right now.
And let’s be honest - life is short. None of us know for sure whether we’ll be here tomorrow. You have to live your best life today, making the most of every moment, because otherwise you may regret how you spent your time.
After a certain point, you don’t need to spend energy reliving what you can’t change - a part of your journey that led you here. I’m thankful you’re here and most likely, a lot of other people are too, so there’s no need to change your path now, and anyway, you can’t.
The good news is you can mentally let go of the past and move on.
Below are 7 tips to stop dwelling on the past:
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1 - Ask the past memory what it has to teach you
Next time a part of your past you’d rather forget arises in your thoughts, ask internally what it wants to teach you now. Notice what comes to your mind.
Sometimes past memories that we don't want to relive pop up to keep us away from similar situations.
This past memory may be coming forward to keep you safe and far, far away from something happening now.
2 - Step away from triggering situations and circumstances
There are certain situations, places and people that may activate painful memories from the past. If you need to, distance yourself from these situations, places and people.
It could be as easy as no longer shopping at the same stores, or frequenting the same area of town, that you did when the painful memory happened. You’re allowed to like new places and situations now.
3 - Acknowledge whoever hurt you is likely different now
While you may never receive the apology you deserve for what happened, there are ways that you can forgive a person who hurt you now and release the anger at them from haunting you forever.
Take a moment to reflect on the ways you’ve changed since the painful event occurred. How have you grown?
Imagine the person who hurt you in the past has now evolved in mirroring ways. Appreciate the way this shared experience may have shaped you into different people on a soul level.
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4 - Practice this letting go of the past exercise
The next something in the present ignites a painful memory from the past; pause, take a few deep breaths in and out.
Visualize an image of that memory getting put into a boat on an ocean shoreline and imagine yourself pushing that boat out to sea. The ocean’s current takes it far away from shore, where it is now just a speck on the horizon.
Internally, repeat this statement, “The past is an old dream that’s not a part of this moment now.”
5 - Exhale and accept you don’t need closure for some things
Not everything can be fully explained and not everything needs to be.
Even if you let it go, your heirs, relatives and community members will inherit your story. It’s also okay if your story still has unfinished parts, it adds to your alluring mystique. Take a big exhale and say to yourself,
“I accept the parts of my story that are unfinished.”
6 - Embrace the new beginning
Past memories are the hardest to release when they involve an irrevocable change that alters the course of your life forever. It’s an event that ends an era.
When something changes that ends your status quo, it is easy to get hooked on reliving the moment and replaying the question “what if it didn’t happen?”
Instead of doing that, think about the new, positive things that came into your life on your new path as a result of this ending. Endings can bring new beginnings with time. Maybe the event led to a new job, you got to know someone better because of it or you appreciate things differently now.
7 - Do a house cleansing
Go through your home room-by-room, pick up each item and hold it to your heart. Ask yourself earnestly if it is useful, necessary and/or brings you joy.
Cleanse everything that doesn’t fit these categories. All the things in your home carry energy signatures, each one emitting a message to you. Sometimes these messages are painful reminders of what was and is no more.
If you have objects, clothing or books in your space from the past’s painful time period, it may be time to release these things, for your highest and greatest good.
The goal is not to discard every memory of the person you once were, but simply to identify if any physical things in your house are contributing to an idea you want to let go of while still being actively present.
Photo of woman in jeans with arm up to gray sky with rainbow by jasmin chew on Pexels
These are a few ways you can release the past and move on.
Once you stop dwelling on the past, you can still honor the parts of your history that helped you mature into the older, wiser person you are now.
There also may be parts of the past that were good and you do want to cherish.
By dropping out the painful memories using the activities above, your filter of the past may change, and you may notice some of the happier times coming to mind, which is the ultimate goal of the exercises in this article.
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